Reply to What do parents "owe" their adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While parents don't owe their adult children anything, let alone fairness, they should realize that disparate gifts/help can cause friction.  My BIL is a single dad with underlying addiction/gambling issues.  He has made and continues to make bad life choices.  Although he is now clean/sober, he is a bottomless pit of needs.

My in-laws are struggling to help him have the same lifestyle as my husband and me and our kids.  They give him considerable financial help and 24/7 childcare.  So 99% of their help, time, and love (yes, sadly) goes to my BIL and his kids.  Because they spent so much more time with my nieces/nephews, they are much closer to them and will favor them to the point of sometimes ignoring/treating my kids badly.  Whenever we have a problem (serious illness/injury), we get zero help because they are too busy taking care of my BIL and his kids.

I used to think it was reasonable to give BIL so much more as he needed it more.  But I can't help but feel resentful that because of this messed up situation, we've become second class citizens to them.  [b]Oh it doesn't just stop with unequal treatment, they also think we should giving more time/help to BIL and his kids too so that we can compensate for their broken family.[/b] [/quote]

We are in a similar situation. This is where you draw the line (bolded). DH and I have been self-sufficient since we married at 27.  We have had difficult times ourselves but managed without family help. We have been helping out the parents and SIL's children for years.  Now MIL has indicated she would like us to give more of our time to SIL's kids as well as provide more help to MIL and DIL.  I have no problem helping out MIL and FIL when possible since I feel you sign up for that when you get married, but I will not give up my time or financia security since both have been hard-won. [/quote]

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