Reply to So many negative mother/MIL posts!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly I think the DIL/MIL drama is just two women trying to over exert that they are more important than the other.  I see this with my mom and my brother's wife.  Both seem to get upset over the silliest of stuff.  My SIL seems to be threatened by mom and overblows a lot of stuff.  And my mom finds every little reason to criticize my SIL.  When I read these MIL posts here I take them with a grain of salt, because we are only getting one side of the story.  Very likely some of the DILs here contribute to the drama.

I have a good relationship with my MIL.  I just accept that we are two very different people and that is okay.

[/quote]

The mil and/or fil shouldn't be trying to exert that she/he is more important than their child's spouse. They aren't. If this is the dynamic, they are refusing to let the adult child grow up and fly.

Parents have to accept that their children will grow up and focus on their own families. If the ils refuse to accept that their adult children are grown up peers with new priorities, there are going to be problems.  I think that we now have generations of parents who have been over-involved with their children and fail at this transition. [/quote]

+1.  DIL here who gets along great with parents and in-laws.  However, I also think that DIL's have to realize that they married into a family that had its own protocols and norms. I knew that I maried into family that was close and DH knew the same thing when he married.  And while the immediate family is a higher priority than the extended one, one should not be forced to choose between the two ALL THE TIME.  There are certain situations where I "rate higher" than his mother, father and siblings - most of them.  But there are also situations where I need to fall back and allow him to be a son and a brother and vice versa.  Sometimes I will not like it or may not agree, but I owe it to my DH to let him try and be the best son and brother I can be.  And because I have not thrown up random boundaries, when I do put my foot down, there is NEVER a problem[/quote]

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