Reply to Carolyn Hax column: MIL doesn't understand why DIL is upset

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Reply to "Carolyn Hax column: MIL doesn't understand why DIL is upset"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is more the DIL.  She shouldn't have given what were probably fake excuses because the MIL felt they weren't an issue & she could deal with me.  Like, "oh no, the spare bedroom is being painted so you'd have to sleep on the couch."  MIL thinks, I'm okay with that.   "Oh, the baby isn't sleeping through the night, he'd wake you up."  Mil thinks, I can't hear anything when I take my hearing aid out so won't bother me.  DIL should have said, "No, I am looking forward to having the day to myself & binge watching Netflix."[/quote]
No.  The DIL tossed out societally-appropriate cues that the visit was not wanted.  [b]What you suggest would hurt a lot of feelings unnecessarily. [/b] If MIL is from this society she should have realized that she was not welcome from what was said (akin to girl responding to date offer with having to wash her hair - everyone part of this culture knows what that means and it's not the girls fault for not saying she'd rather eat needles than go on the date).[/quote]

Because the indirect, passive approach used did not "hurt a lot of feelings unnecessarily?"  You can be polite and still tell people thanks, but no thanks.  Honestly, it is probably more polite to do so.[/quote]

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