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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, you are so much more than your weight. Your weight is not a "major failure." It's not ideal, but [b]it doesn't define you or cancel out all of the great things about you[/b].[/quote]

I agree. But OP, can YOU learn to agree with the above statement too? Can you tell your dad just what's written above?

You won't be able to until you can figure out why it is still so vital to you, an adult, to please your criticizing parent. And why you, yourself, are so very critical of yourself for not meeting some ideal of how your outside shell should appear.

Are there other aspects of your life of which he is critical, or has been critical in the past? Does he place a lot of emphasis on looks -- and on looks for women, in particular? Is he the arbiter, in his own mind, of what looks good and IS good? Have you tried long before THIS one issue to please him, and kept failing, and kept trying?

Maybe this is the sole thing about which he's been a critical jerk, but sit down and really consider if this weight issue is just the latest version of a much longer cycle of dad criticizes something you are or something you choose, you try to please him, he continues to carp at you, you try to please, you worry about why you can't please him.....Things like this seldom come just as one-off issues but too often are part or larger patterns.

Might be time, if this is part of that larger pattern, to get some outside perspective from a counselor on letting go of trying to please and placate a critical parent.

As for this one trip, he needs to hear the very first time he makes even the most innocuous or jokey reference to weight that the topic is closed.

If he persists, I'd say firmly (and no tears, no attempts to explain your weight at all!):
 "Apparently my weight is more interesting to you than your grandchild. How about you focus on your grandchild and let me worry about my own body?"[/quote]

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