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[quote=Anonymous]My mom cheated on my father, but I didn't find out about it until I was an adult. They divorced when I was 12. It was a trifecta of awful for me: 12 years old and dealing with hormones, a new town/school and my parents getting divorced.

My father is emotionally volatile. In any given situation, you cannot predict whether he will respond like a rational adult or an unreasonable child. He is prone to take offense at minor slights, even when they are completely ridiculous. When DD was born, he came to visit and was offended that she cried when he held her and was comforted when I nursed her. OFFENDED. At a 2 month old baby. He has mellowed a bit with age, but he processed their divorce very poorly - venting to us, trash talking our mom, etc. He also tried to sue for sole custody because he didn't want to pay child support.

Those emotional responses and actions make a little more sense to me now that I am aware of the way my mother betrayed his trust, but my understanding of his feelings does not make the way he handled his feelings responsible or correct. Our relationship is pretty good on paper, but we only see each other about once a year and it's strained every time. He had one serious relationship after the divorce, with a much younger woman who left him when she realized that he did not want to have any more children. He has not been in any romantic relationships since then that I am aware of.

My relationship with my mom, on the other hand, is and has always been close. She was very ashamed to tell me about her affair. Did not tell me who it was or if it was someone I knew as a child. In the end, she told me that it was a wake up call for her to get divorced and get into therapy before she did something even more self-destructive. She has been happily married to someone else for 10 years. [/quote]

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