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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife is the low libido one. She'll often not feel like it when I try to initiate. She has ruled out morning sex pretty much permanently. She falls asleep on the couch at 9:30 many evenings. So, we routinely go 2-3 weeks without sex.

[b]But, to make it worse, I have this passive aggressive side of me that - when we've gone a long time without sex - makes me want to extend the time we've gone without sex to, I don't know what - "show her," I guess. I don't want to have sex because I'm resentful about not having sex. [/b]

Then we'll have sex again, and it will be all good during that first week - when I'll try and usually fail to have sex again. The resentment resumes at weeks 2 and 3. Fucked up, I know. 
[/quote]

This was me exactly for a while. My head goes all sorts of fucked up places if I haven't gotten laid in a week.

Can you speak up? Tell her what you want and need? I did recently and things have been much better for a few months now. [/quote]

Where we are now is the result of me having spoken up awhile back. We were at once every one to two months for a few years there. I kept quiet because she was pregnant - and you give a pregnant woman some slack. It's a difficult time. I kept quiet because we were caring for an infant. Caring for an infant is a difficult time. I kept quiet during the second pregnancy and the second infancy because of the reasons stated above. Then, having two toddlers were also tough. I raised the issue lightly about this time. She suggested I do more chores to give her more "me" time. So, I did more for the family and hoped when the kids reached school age, things would get better. They didn't. She just replaced caring for the kids with helping out friends and whatnot. She didn't get any less busy. Sex just wasn't a priority. I let it go too long and raised the issue, but in an angrier fashion than was really helpful. To her, it was coming out of nowhere. To me, it was a daily, central preoccupation for the past 6 or 7 years.

Anyway, talking about it -- even in a calm fashion - makes her feel like an inadequate wife. She wants to want sex. She says she intends to have sex more frequently - she thinks once a week would be a good frequency (and I tend to agree, more or less). When we talk about it, we always go through an awkward period where she feels pressured and can't enjoy sex as much. One thing that actually did help was me getting a vasectomy and her getting off of hormonal birth control. When we do have sex, she seems much more into it. (Which helps make the 2-3 week frequency much more tolerable than the old 1-2 month. Nothing more soul crushing than having your once a month sex with a woman who isn't into it.)

Anyway, work in progress, I guess.

[/quote]

I could also write a few paragraphs on my sex life and frustrations.  But sometimes I wonder if I'm over complicating things?  Perhaps your wife just isn't that into sex?  My husband makes a lot of excuses and tells me things I do wrong but deep down I think he simply isn't that sexual.  He doesn't understand my need and never will.  I feel lonely. [/quote]

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