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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, at this point, you guys are in an untenable situation. It sounds like she is trying on some levels - working super hard while you're trying to rebuild, even though she doesn't want to, wishing you a happy anniversary even though it doesn't sound like you are happily married. It also seems like those are maybe not the ways you'd like her to try.

Your hurt feelings and resentments are completely legit. So are hers. The reality is that you will both have to face hard truths about your contributions to the current state of affairs. You will both have to decide if you are invested in repairing your marriage. That's not something that you can do on your own.[/quote]

Thank you for taking the time to author a thoughtful response. I have suggested counseling therapy but she is very stoic. I think we will need that type of forum where we can have hard, yet constructive, and frank conversations. It is not in her ways to be communicative. And this is not about putting it on her. We have good times and now we have had bad. While not making light of it, I try to explain that perhaps the hard times will give us gratitude. DW was SAHM and living very well. And frankly I benefited from her SAHM because it allowed me to focus my efforts elsewhere. But, SAHM evolved into a mindset that she would never work again which did not sit well with me. Part of her resentment is that she lost a very nice lifestyle. Who wouldn't want to stay home with the kids in school all day and go shopping with their mother. Part of my resentment is that she began to have unrealistic expectations regarding how folks live; I worked hard to secure us a lifestyle. So, I should have more empathy but why is it ok for me to shoulder the full burden, and you stay home and its a problem when I need you step up and help us out. And if I am successful she will be the first one with her hand out.[/quote]

It sounds like you really dislike her, so why don't you just divorce her? You'd both be better off free from a marriage that's making you both unhappy, and it would probably be better for kids too (because they are well aware of the state of things, no matter how well you think you're hiding it).[/quote]

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