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[quote=Anonymous]a couple thoughts:

[quote]But I grew up as a child of divorce, with parents who couldn't get along even for the sake of their children[/quote]

Sounds like you haven't had good models, but are replicating patterns. Being able to be clear eyed about the failure of your parents to get along, and acknowledgment of your own role in your own marital dynamic, would be a good place to start in therapy.

I would also venture that your diametrically opposed personalities  were, at the beginning, attractors--you and your husband complemented each other in many ways, but now your marriage is stuck in old patterns. You want him to be more like you, and he wants you to be more like him. One of the issues is that you do not seem to value "being like him"--it comes out from your description that you see his traits only as negatives: essentially weak, emotional, etc, whereas they might also be aligned with positives: giving, loving, flexible. Whereas you see your traits as positive--logical, practical, objective--where he may experience them as harsh, critical, and demanding. Good couples therapy, if you're both willing to see your own patterns, can help you begin to appreciate each other's differences.

MIL issue: you need to drop it. Yes, its annoying, but you're just fueling the fire. I'd probably just be pleasant, brief, and not get into it. BTW, it might be interesting to consider whether you and your MIL are similar in that you both are the 'organizers' to your DH's emotional and practical life. [/quote]

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