Reply to telling MIL to please not tag along

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK OP here - lots of misunderstanding but I get the point that it's rude to expect to leave time alone.

FIL is going also - she is not alone.  Also she's good friends with my parents

The history is that time with them is suffocating...[b].we see them 4 times a year, with 3 of the 4 typically being a full week.  [/b]So this is not a situation of "poor woman never sees her son..".   They are also invited to our house as much as they like.  I'm an introvert, MIL has huge personality, I need breaks from time with them  (or anyone) just to not be talked to continuously and it's really really hard to get them.   A week is a very long time to not get any time to yourself / with just your SO (who to me is basically like being yourself since we're comfortable just walking in silence together)

This is a house that we rented and made clear up front everyone was welcome to join us at with a "do your own thing" type vacation. People do whatever for the day, we all join up in the evening for dinner.  [b]DH and I knew we needed a vacation together [/b](for those who have dinner with their spouse regularly, you can't understand how having only 2 nights a week with them can be a strain on feeling connected) [b]but we also want to be inclusive for family.  [/b]Love the idea of making all these vacations separate but please tell me what dream world you live in where you have the time and money for this.

My family will do that. Sister and kids will do their things, my parents will do theirs (history / art stuff we're not particularly interested in) but I'm already anticipating MIL will want to do exactly whatever we do from the moment we're out of bed to the moment we're back in.  To the extent where from previous experience if I go try to sit on a bench outside by myself, she'll be there within 5 minutes to talk more.

I'm trying to figure out how to get some space so I don't lose my mind over the week. Maybe that makes me a B - I know her hearts in a good place - but as I'm sure other people have experience with the more overbearing someone is even when its from a place of love - the more you feel the need to get some space. [/quote]

OP, from your description, it sounds like you need a vacation with your DH.  You can't have your cake and eat it too in terms of merging couple time and family time...and least not with your ILs it sounds like.  Stop taking on the task of hosting everybody all at once when all you want is some time with DH.

Seriously, it's ok to do.  And I'd say to stop doing visits with both sides of the family at once. It sounds like you enjoy your family, so why add in the ILs who make things so much less enjoyable for you?  Get time with DH, get time to focus on your family, get time to focus on the ILs when you can give them your full attention.  That may mean less time overall with all your family, but more quality focused time.  Perhaps alternate years for vacationing with different sides of the extended family.

And, make this transition before you have kids.  Establish that you and DH deserve some of your vacation time for just the two of you--as you'll want vacation time for just your nuclear family then too.[/quote]

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