Reply to Could save $20k, but in laws

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[quote=Anonymous]"OP: I am really afraid of this. Once I left my parents' house, I knew I never ever again wanted to live with anyone except my spouse and kids. I feel I have worked too hard not to be comfortable in my own space.[b] I don't want to have to deal with the inevitable fight over his parents moving in until I have to,[/b] but you are totally right, moving in with them now could give them leverage for emotional blackmail."

OP, you need to deal  with this "inevitable fight" now, and not put it off until the day (even years down the road) when the in-laws and probably your husband are pressuring you hard to become one big happy family. You and your husband MUST talk seriously about that, and unfortunately this short-term offer to stay with his parents muddies the waters badly, I think; it does indeed give them a trial run that later will enable them to say "We survived before, it'll be fine to make a permanent move in together!"

If your husband is not 100 percent behind you on what is your very, very clear need to live with your immediate family and no others -- you and he might need a third party like a counselor to help you get on the same page. I would think that living with relatives (and I mean eventually and permanently, not short-term) is truly a non-negotiable issue; if either partner does not want it, it cannot work, and will end up straining your marriage, severely. Your husband, especially if his family history or his culture tends toward generations all living together, might be a person who won't hear you when you say "But this is not how I can live." Some people need to hear difficult things from a professional third party because they just can't hear them from their spouses. Is he like that?

In the short term, I would get your own place for the four-month stint. Initially I thought, "Suck it up and save the money" because it's a huge savings. But if this is going to be used as a precedent, and create tensions during the four months that will end up as resentments the whole time you live in the area and see the in-laws -- I'd just get a place temporarily.

OP, how is your husband at setting boundaries? I would be concerned that living this near the in-laws could end up with some boundary issues if they want to be at your new home a lot, or expect you to bring your child to them a lot more than you wish to.....It also could be great for everyone involved, since you say that you do get along with them fine other than some specific issues that will only crop up if you are under the same roof. But I'd think through (and talk with your husband about) boundaries, once you are settled and see how much the in-laws are in your daily lives.[/quote]

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