Reply to Am I asking too much from DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, are you saying you want more physical intimacy in a variety of forms? Or are you very focused on inter course and focusing on what can be done to "cure" the PE problem?

If the latter, I think you need to broaden your definition of intimacy. I feel bad for your husband if he has technical difficulty and you are overly focusing on that when he could be physically satisfying you in ways outside of intercourse.[/quote]

Op here. I think that you missed half of my post. Yes the PE is a problem, and I was very supportive about it for years. After a while, when he acknowledges that it is a problem that bothers him as well as me but does nothing to try to fix it on his own volition, I lose empathy. He wants me to take the initiative to fix the problems in our marriage (sex and otherwise) but he will only do so under duress. He needs to meet me halfway here. Either he says yes, I will try to figure this out and he does it, or he says no, I don't want to go to the doctor, let's try other things. Either way, he is giving me truthful answers and I know with what I am dealing. Instead, he says yes I will try to figure this out and never does, effectively stringing me along and putting me in the position of having to ask where we are with things or staying in the dark.

Yes the PE is a problem. The last two times we attempted sex he didn't make it past 5 seconds of intercourse. If he had a known medical condition or I something else of course I would keep my disappointment to myself. But it is the elephant in the room that I have tried to address, without success, even though it also bothers DH to the point of not getting it checked out and withdrawing from most intimacy.

Re the pp who mentioned porn...we are together so much that the only time he would be able to do that is at work, and he sits in an open cube so not sure that is it. I am up a lot during the night and he is always asleep...it is possible that nights I sleep he is on the computer. I will have to ask, once again, what is going on.[/quote]

My $0.02:

1) Get a vibrator and use it. Take a break from expecting/seeking sex with your husband.
2) Rebuild your intimacy in non sexual ways. Hanging out together, hugging, laughing.
3) When you've rebuilt the intimacy enough to talk about sex, introduce the vibrator/toys to your "sexual menu". After he PE's, he can use those things.[/quote]

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