Reply to What's the Point of Chasing Marriage and Kids, Really?!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The thing about having kids is that there is a no return policy.  You get what you.  Your life will change.  Maybe you'll love it.  Maybe you'll hate it.  No one knows how you'll feel.

When my oldest was born I went through a period of mourning for my old life.  The flexibility to only take care of me.  To eat cereal for dinner.  To come home after work and fall asleep on the couch.  8 yrs later I can't imagine my life without my kids.

My best friends mom left one day and never came home. BFF was 6.  So obviously parenthood is not for everyone and not everyone has the epiphany about how wonderful kids are.

This is not something you can half ass.  But you already know that.  You can't compromise on having kids.  Either your in or your not.[/quote]

Yes kids are no joke. After my first, I wondered what happened to me.  I had no sleep, looked like crap, felt like crap, became a SAHM mom because made sense to us, then had second kid. Hard work. Kids are now 9 and 10 and life without them for us would be meaningless. Life can be hectic sometimes because I can't be selfish. I can't just eat cereal for dinner and call it a day. I can't just sleep until noon. I can't just go to work function and not wonder who will watch kids that evening. But, with all that comes an intimate and fulfilling joy. I live with a purpose outside of myself, I also know that I have two kids looking at me and push myself to be a better person and to succeed.  It's not all work but the first years (baby/toddler) can be brutal. If you are definitely sure you don't want kids then find a woman whose had them and can't change her mind (at least for herself physically) or who had them and doesn't want anymore. A woman in her late 30s or early to mid 40s.  You can have a long term partner sans children with a woman in this category. Most women want kids at some point in their 30s if they didn't have the desire before that. I never dreamed of kids or was in a rush to have them, but once in my 30s I really wanted them and my DH did too. First kid came at 36 and second at almost 38. Parenthood is not for everyone and I applaud you for not having any if you are 1,000% sure you don't want them. Because once they are here they deserve to be loved. And, they are awesome and hard wok and time consuming and fun and  funny and an unexplainable happiness all rolled up into one. DH and I are out of the toddler/baby years and enjoying the kids and ourselves immensely.

That being said, I have a friend who is 50, had a vasectomy years ago, and doesn't want kids. His long term relationship is going on 47 years and he's worried because despite his partner telling him she did not want kids when she was 26 yrs old she's now 31 yrs old and it's in your 30s when as a woman your clock turns on and tells you that you want kids. It's a constant worry for him that she will change her mind. Before her he had a 5 year relationship that ended.

So just be honest with yourself, your partner, and chose wisely. Good luck.[/quote]

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