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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

P.S., I strongly disagree with PPs who say that you must learn to "trust" and not ask for full transparency/access on social media, email, etc.  Trust is earned, not blindly given.  Your husband had your trust, lost it and now must earn it back thru his actions not his words.  Full transparency, complete honesty, and a real commitment thru extensive therapy to look inward at the character defects that made this situation possible are the actions you should be looking for.  [/quote]

I'm the PP (or one of them) who suggested that requiring complete access to all email accounts, etc. may not be a good idea.  The point was not that trust should be blindly given; it should, and must, b earned, of course.  The point is that placing one spouse in a parental role is not healthy for the spouse in either position, and neither addresses nor corrects the underlying issues.  From the other things you wrote in your post, and from other posts I think I've seen from you, I think you know at least the latter to be true.  I had my husband's credit cards and ATM card, access to all his accounts, etc. for a time in the (ancient) past when those were some of the tools he'd used to act out.  It was a tactic suggested by a therapist.  It gave both of us a false sense of security that we'd "solved" the problems when nothing happened for a time, but ultimately just further entrenched a very bad relationship dynamic.  I agree with full transparency, complete honestly, extensive therapy.  I'm simply suggesting that OP putting herself in the role of a parent could be problematic.[/quote]

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