Reply to In shock - he cheated

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, my now-wife and I were living apart in different cities about five months into the relationship.  She was not comfortable with the distance and did some dating until we were engaged and she then moved to where I live.

I was not crazy about this and we had a number of talks in terms of trust and what fidelity means.  We have been able to make it work and I think this issue brought us closer today by forcing us to discuss things that people too often sweep under the rug (e.g. are they capable of  monogamy?  What happens when they find someone else attractive?).

I don't think you should get out of the marriage now but do think that you need a third party to objectively listen to each other's concerns.  And do not tell a soul because that person will always judge him.[/quote]

Your situation is different.  You and your wife openly discussed this.  She was honest about dating other people.  You knew about this and decided for yourself whether it was something you could live with.  You had open discussions about monogamy and your obligations to each other.

That is not what OP's husband did.  He lied.  He hid things.  He manipulated her into marriage. Yes, manipulated, because he hid information that he knew might make her less inclined to marry him.

Also, I highly disagree with not telling anyone.  This is a tactic of an abuser --- secrecy and shame.  OP has a right to tell anyone she wants.  She deserves the support and insight of her friends and family.  OP's husband likely would not want her to tell because he knows many would advise her to leave -- especially without any kids.  [/quote]

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