Reply to IL's and religious issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

As a PP asked, this is literally the only thing he's ever said this about.  He thinks I hate Catholics - I do not - and doesn't want me entering into a religious debate with his family.  I would never do that, but [b]sometimes he treats me like I'm stupid and don't know how to act in polite company. [/b]

So on second though, maybe he does secretly agree with them.

OP, you say this topic is "literally the only thing he's ever" told you to clam up about, but then you say what's in bold above. He might not have told you to keep quiet about other subjects but he sure doesn't sound as if he respects you as an adult with a brain and valid opinions, based on what you write above. That's the greater issue some PPs have been pointing out. The religion problem and his refusal to buffer you from his parents seem to be part of a larger issue of how he regards you and your choices and opinions.

How did he get the idea that you "hate Catholics" if you've never done anything to make him think that -- other than not convert to Catholicism? Does he have other assumptions about you that aren't on the mark?[/quote]

Sorry for the misunderstanding.  By sometimes I meant he thinks I'm going to start a theological debate with his parents.  It's not an overreaching problem in our marriage.

He thinks I hate Catholics because I won't attend mass with him, even though I've calmly explained my rationale for it.  That's a whole other discussion and one I don't want to get into here.[/quote]

PP with the Catholic husband & ILs from page 1 -  I totally get what OP is talking about. A simple difference in opinion, or questioning whether Catholicism should be the default, is interpreted as being anti-Catholic. There's a certain story line that conservative Catholics tell themselves to explain why the church isn't perceived more favorably; being persecuted defined Christ's story, so they think of it as a permanent, defining feature of the Church's story, regardless of how successful or how powerful it becomes.  It is difficult to challenge that narrative because its so closely tied with the theological tenants of the faith itself, so it provokes a very defensive response.

Anyway, OP I repeat that you should just speak directly and honestly with your ILs. Let it bug your husband, because if you are honest, direct, and compassionate with them - then it's the right thing to do. If your ILs insist on this hell nonsense, tell them that they're putting you in a difficult situation, interfering in their adult child's marriage, and most alarmingly, promoting heresy - all of which have serious consequences that you don't want for them, so implore them to consult with their priest before continuing down this path. Okay, well maybe hold onto that last point, as no one responds well to being called a heretic. [/quote]

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