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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- You sound like a great mom.  My DD behaves similarly in that she latches on to a BFF.  I don't think your situation is unique.  I actually was talking to another mom this morning too who has a DD in my daughter's grade and she said that her daughter does the same thing.  However, I think what makes your DD's situation more unique is that she gravitates to the most popular child and gets jealous too easily.

[b]Do you stress popularity in your household?[/b]  If you are worried so much about her socially could she interpret your desires as that she needs to improve her social standing?  Being BFF's with a child of high social standing would increase hers.  In your DD's situation, that higher social standing is short lived as she eventually becomes the outcast.  Of course this makes her doubt herself more and she's probably more easily manipulated the next time due to the "fall".

If I were you, I would focus on helping her determine what characteristics that she needs to look for in friends.  I wouldn't force her into trying to be a part of a large group of "friends" as that's not her style but encourage her to invite different friends over.  Probably easier if one is soccer and another is from church (eg).  If she has different friends from different groups, maybe she'll develop the confidence that she needs so that she doesn't become too dependent on one.

When you start to see things become unhealthy like looking at Instagram 25 times in a day, take away her phone etc and have her invite another friend over to do something fun.

I know what I've written is overly simplistic.  I think the fact that she has some awareness of what she does is a good thing.  One day she'll realize the emotional drain isn't worth that temporary high.

I also tell my DD that [/quote]

OP here. Lots of good advice and insight here. Thank you.

I can honestly say that we do not stress popularity at all. In fact, when any of my kids mention the word "popular" I tend to remind them that you don't want to peak too soon! I've told her before that the popular kids from my school stayed in our hometown, raising their kids to play the same sport that they played. certainly nothing wrong with that if that's what makes them happy. I just know that that's not the future my dd envisions for herself. I also told her that the quiet, quirky kids went on to have interesting and fulfilling lives. Also, I don't think I would consider any of her target girls to be popular. They are always just fun and outgoing. Her team is made up of girls from all different schools, so none of them can really advance her social standing anyway. there doesn't seem to be social rankings within her dance team. Of course some girls are more well-liked than others, but there isn't a popular group or any cliques.

Since I wrote this post, I've been wondering where she even got the notion that she should have a BFF. Most of her classmates don't have that. They tend to have a small group of BFFs. None of our family friends or relatives have that. I had a BFF in middle school and a BFF in college. Both friendships kind of fizzled when they got serious boyfriends. So, it occurred to me that she must get it from TV shows and movies. She grew up watching a lot of Full House reruns and Disney shows. In these shows, the girl always has that one BFF. Maybe I need to talk to her and remind her that those are fictional characters, and that they hang out with the same friend all the time so that the show doesn't have to hire more actors. :)[/quote]

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