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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for all the advice so far. It is very helpful.

To those of you who think that I am too involved - I certainly understand that. I wish I could step back. As others pointed out, that's one good reason to send her to a therapist. I am usually a "natural consequences" parent. I let my kids make mistakes and deal with the consequences. But, in this situation, she would self-destruct. I have no doubt about it. Also, she actually reaches out to me and wants my help quite often. though there are plenty of other times when she thinks I'm being nosy.

Most of what I know about her drama is from her texts and instagram. I will not apologize for snooping on her phone! that was the deal when she got her phone and opened social media accounts. I have full access to them until I feel that she is mature and knowledgeable enough to handle it on her own. She obviously hasn't reached that point.

I do not think she's a lesbian, but I guess I wouldn't completely rule that out. She certainly doesn't go for the most attractive in the group. And based on the male crushes she's had, appearance seems to be a big factor for her. :/  Like I said, this started in preschool. Then in grade school. Again (sort of) in 6th grade. Now it's happening again. It's always the most outgoing in the group that she's drawn to. Every single time. I think she just has this vision of hanging out with a bff, laughing, and being silly all the time. She just can't picture someone quieter (like her) being that way. It's easier to visualize having that with someone who already acts that way. She has some friends at school who are quiet and laid back, but she doesn't have any desire to hang out with them outside of school.

People have said to me that it's a teenage thing and she will outgrow it, but it's not a teen thing in her case. It's the way she's always been.

I hate to pull her away from this group because it really is a great group of girls. they haven't done anything wrong. They are definitely pulling away from her, but I can't blame them for that. When she went through this in grade school, it was a group that I couldn't wait to get her away from. She was much better off without them. But that's not the case here. It's a dance team that she is on, and I simply can't pay all this money again next year when there is nothing but drama. I can't take dance away from her completely, but I'm thinking I can find something that is a more focused and less social setting.

I think it's a great idea to watch mean girls with her. I haven't seen it yet and I don't think she has either.

Someone mentioned Asperger's. I took a quick look at the symptoms and I think that could be a possibility. I need to take a much closer look at that. [/quote]

You're a great mom for being involved.  Don't take her to a therapist, she doesn't need one, she needs you.  It sounds awesome that she comes to you and tells you things, it's important to keep that close relationship going, don't give that relationship away to a therapist.  I replied another day about that your daughter sounds like she is a one-on-one type of person.  If she doesn't do dance next year, tell her that until she does not find a close friend to just try to hang out in groups of kids and not take it so seriously.

I'm also very involved with my daughter.  She confides in me, I give her advice.  It's great to have a close mother-daughter relationship.[/quote]

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