Reply to Sibling's DUI: tell our parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She blew 0.22. It was not some 'two glasses of wine' type thing where she blew a 0.09.

What money? She's not going to plead guilty so she needs a lawyer. The weird thing is that she wasn't driving when they picked her up. She was in the car but not operating it. And they didn't arrest her - there was no bail. I think they gave her a ticket or something like that. So it is worth paying for an attorney, in my opinion.[/quote]

First, you state the seriousness of the problem (she blew a .22) and then you minimize the consequences she should get for it (you are willing to pay for her counsel so she can plead not guilty to something she is clearly guilty of in order to escape or minimize legal consequences.)

STOP.

This is serious, serious shit.  She could kill someone.  She is hurting her kids right now, every single day.  If you care about them at all, you really should not be in the business of helping her get off.  It's only going to make it easier for her to keep doing what she's doing.

I speak from experience.  My brother got a DUI in his early 30's.  It was a disaster for him.  He stupidly got the best attorney out there, paid him his entire life savings to defend him (a $5,000 retainer) and the attorney's strategy was to keep postponing trial so that they'd get a judge who was lax on DUI's.  All this time his license was suspended pending trial.  When trial came up, he was found guilty and it was suspended a further 6 months.

He couldn't drive for over a year.

In retrospect, it was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to him as an adult.  He rode his bike that whole year and lost 40 pounds.  He kept his job, but ended up being pretty blunt with folks about why he was on his bike, saying he did something stupid with alcohol and realized that he just needs to cut out drinking entirely because he's no good with moderation.  Our dad was an alcoholic and he was in denial that he was one, too, but this experience literally sobered him up.  He never drank again.  (He died in his late 30's, but that's another story.)  He kept his job even though it involved needing to drive -- after the trial, he was given a work exemption and just couldn't drive anywhere else.

the reason I write is to urge you not to make this easier for her.  It shouldn't be.  If it's the worst thing that ever happens to her, it might be the best thing that ever happens to her.[/quote]

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