Reply to Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you feel pretty strongly about it. I think rather than trying to find a way to do it behind your wife's back I would work on getting your wife on board with the idea. Slowly, letting her ask whatever she needs to ask and then sitting with it, etc. I think that's the only way for this to work. [/quote]

I feel a very strong obligation to help my friend. I also don't want to irretrievably destroy my marriage. I am conflicted.[/quote]

The answer cannot be that you will do it behind your wife's back. It is a huge breach of trust, and if your wife learns it, you will be divorced. And she will learn it, because your friend will send you a Christmas card and the baby will look like you.

Even if that (or something like it) doesn't happen, imagine that your friend dies in childbirth or when the child is one or two or 10. What would you do? Assuming she has another person who she's planning to raise the child with, what if both of them die in a car accident? Are you willing to let your (biological) child be raised by someone other than your friend? A complete stranger? If your answer is anything other than "I will do nothing, because it is not my child," then you cannot do it in secret. If that IS your answer, you are a cold SOB.

It's hard to see how talking with your wife about it will irretrievably destroy your marriage, but doing it without talking almost certainly will. Unless you are willing to dump your wife over this, and it seems you're not, then you have to talk to her.[/quote]

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