Reply to Ex hubby's girlfriend moved in and didn't tell me

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[quote=Anonymous]OP Back. Here is exactly what happened. I was writing on my phone and couldn't give the whole thing.

First off, yes my daughter is 7 1/2. She's closer to 8 than 7 and frankly acts older than that to me, so maybe I put 1/2 to remind myself that she's not a teenager. Who cares, really. Plus, when she's asked her age she always says "I'm 7 1/2" so its a big deal to her. :)

Anyway - the ex and I live in the same neighborhood. I was at the grocery store across the street from my apt with my daughter getting food. I saw my ex but didn't want to say hi. I waited to see if he saw me. Not sure if he did but he jetted out so I'm assuming he did.

We get home and I see my ex call my phone. So I told my duaghter that her Dad wanted to talk to her and called him. So she talked to him and made excuses to go to her room and I heard her say my name. She NEVER does this so I was qued up when she was done. I said, honey, what's going on?

She said "Mom, I dont'want you to be mad. But I saw Dad's girlfriend M at the grocery store. I wanted to say hi but I thought you would be mad so I didn't". I said "Oh honey, next time, say hi. I'm not mad. In fact I've been wanting to get to know her anyways". She says - oh ok, then I will tell her that you want to meet her. I said - don't worry about it. I'll ask again. It's ok.

Then she tells me that M has been around a lot lately and then shared that she moved in. Sometime in January. And it was her Dad's idea. And Dad asked her if she talks to me about M.

So I said, Wow, Ok, your Dad should've told me that. Are you ok with it?.. She said yes, but you are still my mommy! M is not!  I said, of course I am. No one will ever change that!.

Then she tells me that he Dad still loves me. And that I probably don't love him. I had to explain to her that he can say that, but if you love a person you don't lie to them and frankly that piece of info should come from him, not her.

So, she's been harboring this secret for 2 months now and in the past 3 weeks she's been acting odd, and I had no idea why. Literally telling me she loves me 30 times a day, tells me she worries about me, that she wants to take care of me. She just kept saying "I love you" and actually said, "Mom, maybe there's something wrong with me, why do I keep saying that??"

Thankfully she had a sleepover last night so I could process this BS behavior. I really don't care that M is living there. But I need to have contact with her especially if he's out of town and she's taking care of my daughter. Yep - that happened before, M took care of my daughter for 2 days straight (he went to Vegas) and I had no idea. I only figured it out when my daughter called me 5 times from his house phone. M is not next of kin, she has zero authority if an emergency happens and bonus has no way to get in touch with me if something did happen.  It's a safety thing in my eyes.

I only met her for 15 mins last June. She seemed like a reasonable person. But he refuses for me to have any contact with her at all. I just want to know whos hanging around my daughter and now that she's moved in, its more imperative than ever.

There is no need for more hiding, it is what it is. But the fact that he doesn't have the balls to tell me these things and my daughter sits around harboring a secret for 2 months is nuts!

When my daughter first met her Jan of 2014, he out and out asked her not to tell me. WTF? And guess what, once I got her within 5 minutes she told me.

I again, yesterday, told her that she can tell me anything and I'm not going to be mad. But we need to be able to talk and no, I'm not mad that she told me. I'm simply upset with her Dad for pulling that stupid bs at the expense of my kid.

Funny enough, we have to do a VIP day in her class in 2 weeks. A 40 minute presentation, one in which at PT conference her Dad didn't have a clue about and also said, eh, its no big deal. Are you kidding me? She's sat in class all year watching the other parents come in and talk about their kid etc etc.  So she's expecting something great.

It's been pulling teeth to get him to participate and now he's into it, for the moment. But there's a lot that needs to happen, which requires communication and we just don't communicate. We don't. It's incredible difficult to co parent with him. But in his eyes, I don't exist when she's with him. But I've told my daughter that no matter where she is I will always be her mom. That seemed to make things better for the moment.

Happy Sunday yall. That is the real deal. Fire away with your comments. This post really was just a venting post. But feel free to judge all you want. The above is the BS I deal with.[/quote]

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