Reply to sister in law resents everything her brother and I have

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to be close to my sister in law (brother's wife) until they got married.  I'm older than my brother, single and likely to remain that way.  (I was in a relationship when brother and she started dating almost 10 years ago but it ended shortly thereafter and I haven't been in a relationship since.)  Everything was fine until brother and she decided to get married.  Depressed about my own relationship struggles, I couldn't even pretend to be excited about the wedding, which dominated 100% of all family conversations. Then they ignored any ideas I offered. I was offended at being asked to give a reading--a reading!--when they had a ton of attendants. I'm my brother's only sibling! Then I was upset because I wanted to give a toast honoring the new couple, but they said only parents were "allowed" to toast. The whole thing put a bit of a damper on our relationship.  Fast forward to the birth of their kid.  Again, I felt crushed at realizing that my baby brother was achieving his dreams of having a family, while I'm all alone. It was really emotionally hard meeting the baby. What's worse is that even my parents are all about the two-year-old--it's like I don't exist in the family any more. And now my SIl and brother give me a rude look every time I try to talk about anything other than successful poops and "brilliant" things their darling said. In any event, this had driven an even bigger wedge into our relationship.  It's gotten to the point where I have no desire to make any effort in my relationship with her.  I still see her a fair amount as a family, but I don't think I've exchanged an individual email with her in over a year.  We used to email somewhat regularly and see each other on our own.  Between feeling put off by her lack of concern about me as an individual and being an incredibly busy employee and volunteer, I just don't feel like I want to spend any of my limited free time and energy on a relationship with her, but I know I should.  Can somebody please give me a pep talk?  Advice on how to mend our relationship.  Do I just suck it up?[/quote]

+1,000

READ THIS, OP, over and over again, until it sinks in.[/quote]

[b]Totally agree with this too. OP, your post was one of the most egotistical, nasty posts I've read in a while and really reflects on what a selfish person you likely are.[/b] [/quote]

Really?  You must not spend much time on this site!!!!! Also, whoever took the time to write OP's post from the perspective of her sister in law needs to get a life.   :roll:

I think OP raises some very common issues that many people can relate with.  Of course, she should be patient with her SIL and try to see things from her perspective.  But nothing in her post indicates that she is an "all about me" type of person who shows zero interest in her SIL's life.  I can relate to the SIL in some ways; my sisters both got married long before I did and each had two kids before I got married.  I was jealous of them in some ways and was a complete brat when they got engaged, but I got over myself and was still very excited for them when they got married and had their children, and developed a very close relationship with each child.  When I got engaged, I actually found that my sisters were a little jealous that the attention was finally on me, and their kids were a little jealous when I had my son because my attention was no longer solely on them!

I think the bottom line is that jealousy is normal and as family we have to be patient with our loved ones.  Even though we have all been jealous of each other at various points in our lives, we still come together and are happy for each other because we are family and love each other.  
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