Reply to Teen daughter "didn't wait"...how to proceed?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let's get real. She is not going to stop having sex and she is not being coerced.  She and her boyfriend are not felons. Take her to planned parenthood, and get the kind of shot that lasts a year or whatever their Dr. recommends for 15 year old.  Talk to her and her boyfriend about STDs and ask him to buy condoms or buy them for him, but don't count on him using them. Keep the dialogue open. Don't be judgmental.  Tell her its her body and you respect her right to make decisions about it. Sounds like you are doing a good job. Don't let anyone tell you your daughter is either immoral or abnormal.  Teen age sex is completely normal for some kids.  I raised three daughter all of whom had sex as teenagers and they have all grown up to be respected professionals, good wives and wonderful mothers.  You are a good dad. Don't doubt yourself.[/quote]

+1. [b]Just empower her to make sure she's being respected, respectful, and safe.[/b][/quote]

She's only 15.  She is not 18 and headed for college.[/quote]

Sure and while I would prefer that teens wait to have sex, I think there's a lot of room for it to be a personal choice and not necessarily wrong even at that age. I'm not particularly comfortable dictating to my daughters (or probably my hypothetical sons, my only kids are girls hence the wording) what they do with their bodies as long as laws are being followed. I would definitely not have the "not in my house please" policy until they are well into adulthood -- I refuse to potentially make them feel there's something so wrong and shameful about sex that they cannot discuss it with me. This is how my parents' very strict not under our roof and never until 18 attitude made me feel, which was greatly to my detriment although I did in fact wait until I was in my late 20s.

I try very hard to initiate conversations about all the weighty issues surrounding a decision to be sexually active so that my DD's can hopefully reflect for themselves and honestly decide whether they are ready for a step like that. However I believe that choices and boundaries about sex should be very personal, and the only three rules I'm comfortable imposing on my kids based on my own values and preferences are "consensual", "protected" and "legal".

I personally think the most damaging thing to do in this situation is place labels like 'forbidden', 'bad', or 'shameful' on any sort of consensual and legal expression of sexuality. There are even some laws I would like to see go away, but until my kids are adults and completely responsible for their own decisions I do require adherence to the law. If we lived in certain states, however, and I had a child with a well thought out moral opposition to a state law related to this topic, I would be willing to seriously consider moving so as not to have this family rule cause my child moral conflict. [/quote]

+++Very helpful considerations, thanks! (OP)[/quote]

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