Reply to DS (21) Refused to go to grandmother's funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What you do is go to the funeral.
If you must say anything to him you say "I'm sorry you can't make it I wish you could."
And that's it.

Disappointment speeches and guilt trips are inappropriate.

As others have pointed out people grieve very differently I could not attend my grandma's funeral. losing her was devastating, but worse than that was my judgmental family members who pushed me to grieve their way.

Sorry for your loss.[/quote]

I think it's completely appropriate to say more than merely "sorry you can't make it..." This is a good opportunity for the son to learn that his actions affect others, and that some things you just power through and do for the sake of your family.

[/quote]

I'm sure he is well aware his actions affect others. He is 21 not 14. 
This is a good opportunity for OP to learn she can't control every action her son makes.
If she wants a shot at attending his future wedding, meeting her grand children, and have her son attend her funeral she should loosen those reigns and stop trying to rule the family with an iron fist and emotional manipulation.[/quote]

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