Reply to DS (21) Refused to go to grandmother's funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Funerals are strange.  I mean the person has passed away, they don't know if you are there or not.  A simple celebration of life or family get together is so much better.  I don't go to formal funerals unless they are for a member of the military.[/quote]

Funerals are for the living.  They are an important ritual and milestone for many of us.[/quote]

I used to not understand the importance of going to a funeral/memorial.  I thought, the person is dead, they don't care if I show.  Then when I was in my late 20s, a college of mine's dad died, and she asked me to go to her dad's funeral.  I thought, "why? I never met the man!"  And my (older) boss set me straight that this has nothing to do with the dead, and everything to do with my friend.  He said when his mom died, he remembered who was there and who was not, and it can be surprising at times.  You bond mentally with those who showed up--because they showed up for you.

My dad died in 2001, and I will never forget this family that we didn't know that well, that showed up.  It changed my feeling, in a permanent way, toward them.

I often think about a former friend, who blew me off years ago.  About 5 years before she blew me off, her dad (who I had never met) died and I didn't go because, I'd never met him.  I often think about this, how I should have gone but I didn't get it.  Again, the 20s--the selfish years.

I think I just needed someone to explain this to me, OP--I didn't get it but once someone explained this to me, I got it.

I'd be really upset if my kid didn't go to my one of my parent's funeral because this is my parent, and they need to be there for me, whether or not they liked Grandma Larla or not. Just explain that to your kid.[/quote]

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