Reply to How to approach a friend in total denial

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What exactly would you talk to them about? They have a child who is severely mentally ill, for whom they have not yet found an effective treatment, but whom they continue to try to help. They have looked into in-patient facilities for him, but by even the OP's own concession, they probably can't afford it. At this moment in time, the child is effectively non-functional. What new alternative does the OP have for them? To just throw him out onto the street to die? Because that's what would happen -- this isn't someone who's going to have an epiphany and straighten his life out, we're talking about a severely disabled person. If it were a physical handicap, would you make the same recommendation? So what do you think you will offer them, OP? What bright shiny new answer that they're completely unable to appreciate, despite the years they've been dealing with this?

I realize that all sounds angry, but as the sister of someone with similarly severe mental illness I cannot begin to tell you how offensive it is when someone, in their near-complete ignorance about how mental health treatment works, presumes to tell you how you're doing it all wrong.[/quote]

Another thing I'm going to put out there, because obviously this thread has been a huge trigger for me. OP, if you want to help your friend, then do something constructive for her. Invite her younger son over more regularly so you can be a stable and caring influence for him. Invite her out for girls' nights, whether out somewhere, at your house where she might feel more comfortable hanging out in yoga pants, or offer to come keep her company with a bottle of wine if she doesn't feel she can leave him home alone. Ask her what other kinds of support you can offer. The next time you're running out to Target, ask if you can run some errands for her to take some stuff off her plate. Bring over a dinner, not because she asked you to, but in a "Hey, I made quiche for dinner last night and have an extra one, why don't I bring it by" way. Actually be a help and support to her, rather than just one more person dumping on her. I guarantee you, she gets that enough already.[/quote]

As a matter of fact I do just that, I have along with two others scheduled dinners to be delivered to their home on average 2-3 times a week. Her son you mentioned? Well most weekends he is at our house for at least 1 if not both nights of the weekend. I have been there well beyond what many would think is necessary so in this respect, I feel confident in saying I am doing all I can.[/quote]

Good, great, bully for you. Here's your pat on the back.

Having read this thread, do you now understand why shaking her by the shoulders and telling her she's doing it wrong would be the opposite of helpful?[/quote]

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