Reply to Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have been married to my H for over 30 years.He was emotionally never there for me, he actually never cared to know who i was deep in my soul as long as i played the wife role and took care of his needs.I stayed home and took care of the house and kids ,he worked, he was/is a good provider.Unfortunately he always felt that that's all he needed to be, to me and the kids.During the kids teenage years is when things got really bad because he is also controlling and wanted the kids to do and be who he wanted them to be.This also applied to me in a different way.My kids are in their late 20's now and for the duration of our marriage i tried to get through to him  but got nowhere.In the last 10 plus yrs especially i have talked( like counselor),fought( said terrible things to him),become a nervous wreck(have anxiety and was on anti-depression pills ) become short tempered, mean person (mostly to him) This is not who i'am' i know that in my soul i have the biggest heart and i help anyone i come in contact with.Everything i love to do he doesn't ,he pretends and goes along sometimes but always let's me know when he is not happy,he makes me feel guilty because he is so negative.and can't enjoy anything unless he is under the influence of alcohol.Besides being emotionally unavailable he is short tempered and negative in some aspects of his life which of course affects me and the kids.He is also a social alcoholic,he doesn't drink often but when he drinks many times he gets intoxicated and also drives.I should mention if he had 2 or 3 drinks you would notice that he drank he has low alcohol tolerance.One more thing because of his age  in the last 2 yrs we no longer have physical contact.
All these issues combined through all these years have made me an anxious,short-tempered,bitchy,crazy,lonely,sad person.I also have come to realize that there is no hope for change,that he is just like his father who in his 80's still treats his mother this way and that that's my life.The marriage his parents have is our marriage.I tell him i may be loud and crazy because he makes me fight back but he is stronger ( in the sense that he is the negative,stubborn obstacle that makes change impossible ) therefore our marriage is like his parents not mine who had it rough for 30yrs but my dad realized it and worked on himself.They now have a calm loving emotional marriage.
This is the truth of our marriage and life as a family yet people at work,church and around us see him and our family as a picture perfect.More often than not because i'm usually reacting to what i have been dealt i look like the negative unhappy person.[/quote]

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