Reply to My husband's ex has been bad-mouthing me to him

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Reply to "My husband's ex has been bad-mouthing me to him"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, you can be the kind of stepmom who pitches in, covers for others, etc., and have that kind of relationship with the kids.  Or you can be the kind who doesn't, and that's a different type of relationship with the kids.  I totally understand how people would want the second kind-- no judgment from me!  But understand that it really is different.  [b]So if you want a close relationship with the kids, choose the first because that's what you want for yourself-[/b]- not because you're trying to keep anyone else happy.[/quote]

I read STEPMONSTER and it is not a natural corollary that being the one who pitches in translates to a close or happy step-family.

OP sounds grounded, sensible, and well-disposed to make this situation a success. I think she needs to put XW and her comments out of the picture and out of her mind. She needs to ask herself what works for her and what works for her new family (husband and his kids.) She then needs to behave and communicate accordingly.

I think it's very dangerous thinking--and it's evidenced in the OP's first post--that being nice and a team player translates into a happy new family. STEPMONSTER pretty much explains how and why this is absolutely not a guarantee and can really damage the chances of the marriage.[/quote]

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