Reply to Don't stay together "for the kids"

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Reply to "Don't stay together "for the kids""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is one area of life that defies most generalizations.  Shitty parents are shitty parents whether divorced or together.  Kids will be adversely affected by a bad environment whether the parents are married or divorced.

Most people would agree that a healthy two parent household is the best environment for kids.  But that isn't always the case and sometimes divorce has to be considered or is the only option.

Parents that can manage a civil divorce and work together to create a parenting plan that keeps the needs of the kids first and foremost will have a better chance at raising healthy kids.  The adverse effects of a divorce will be minimized for these kids.

The impact of divorce on children is dependent on so many factors, it is impossible to say whether staying married or divorcing is the right answer for everyone.  In reality, we are discussing not just divorce, but the overall impact of bad parenting.  Bad parents can be married and living together, living apart or divorced.[/quote]

Yeah - I left my husband just as the emotional abuse was ramping up.  I had to.  For my sake and my kids'.  We have three kids and he was a shitty dad when we were together (cheerful with them, but zero parenting and zero sense of responsibility and gone a lot).  True to form, since I left, he's completely checked out on the kids.  Co-parenting?  I wish.  It's more like a death for them.  He never calls, never sends $, sees them maybe once a month when I literally give the kids money so they can do an activity with him.  It's heartbreaking.  So for all you folks who worry about missing your kids 50% of the time, try helping them navigate a deadbeat dad.  [/quote]

Not to derail the thread, but this is awful. He pays no child support? How does he get away with that?[/quote]

Divorce is not final, so I can't enforce child support yet.  Even then, I'm basically on my own.  This coming from my lawyer.  Sigh. I'll try my best, but deadbeat dads are a dime a dozen unfortunately.  And my ex is highly educated, but mentally ill, so can't really hold down a job, so there's that.  [/quote]

Yikes! Sounds like my ex, who was making 6 figures when he had a complete breakdown. He owes me about 40k in back child support. The courts are pretty much no help at all. They just drag him in every 4-6 months and keep letting him pay "what he can", which keeps him out of jail (which was the only motivation for him to find a job after he quit his.) Good luck, and I hope your ex gets better.[/quote]

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