Reply to How long did it take for you/your spouse to feel balance/normal after an extra marital affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH had an affair that lasted for several years. I was devastated but agreed to counseling for the sake of our young child. I planned on leaving but ended up staying. I realized in therapy that our marriage was broken long before the infidelity. It's been two years of intensive therapy (individual and couples) and three years since discovery and there were times I didn't think we'd make it. The betrayal was too overwhelming  and the wounds too deep. In my experience, the pain never truly heals, but gradually that makes way for new emotions. DH was remorseful and committed to repairing the damage he'd done. Therapy required him to look at his life and decisions critically for the first time, and he's become a different person than he was before. I've also owned my part in our mutual struggle to communicate our needs and honor each other's needs too. I've had time to think about what I want and need in a partner, and what I need for myself. We both know that staying together is a choice we make every day and we take nothing for granted. As a result, we've become a different couple. I'm happier than I've ever been and we are much closer as a family. You can survive this if both parties are committed and willing to go the distance. Remember when soliciting advice that you will get lots of opinions, but no one knows how they will react when pushed to this extreme. No one. And only you knows what is in your heart. Good luck to you.[/quote]

This is amazing and honest. [/quote]

I too could have written this, my DH cheated 3 years ago and what others say, about when it feels "normal" again is true, it never does.  But my husband and I love each other and we love our children and with the right therapist, the open honesty of both partners, and the commitment and willingness to move forward, I too am far happier than I was.  I think when people marry they expect a fairy tale, I know I did, and that's why so many marriages end in divorce or worse, just exist unhappily.  This process forced us to take a look and do some analysis we never would have otherwise.    Now, don't get me wrong, the first 3-6 months it was hellish, as you know - and the nature of this trauma you're living is even more difficult because it's not like you can talk to most people... No one starts "dinner sign-ups" for the woman who just walked in on her husband and one of her best friends at the family beach getaway (yup!) But feel so comfortable in my own skin, and in this marriage, three years later, and I can't imagine it being a different way.  It's made us both better parents that's for sure and I'm truly, honestly glad we worked it out.  I was unlucky to be cheated on but so lucky that I got to evolve and watch my partner evolve into a more self-aware, open, happy human being.

Hang in there.[/quote]

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