Reply to What's wrong with just saying...we can't afford it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, what are DH's reasons?  If it is just that he does not want to disappoint his child, that's one thing.  If he feels that the child will not succeed in a large state school, and would be more likely to succeed in a smaller private institution, I can see why he would work to try to make it happen.[/quote]

[b]He doesn't want to disappoint his child. [/b] The child has not demonstrated a solid academic record that would make me confident in sending him to a flagship state school.  But I think any of the smaller public in state schools would offer the smaller class size that a private institution could offer.[/quote]

So (as I suspect you know) this is not really about college. This is about college as a proxy for every way he feels he's let his son down.

I know you're frustrated, and you're welcome to vent here, but you need to let your husband talk, and you need to phrase this constructively: If we can't afford to send him to his dream school on what we have saved, how do we help him go someplace that's right for him? Is your SS willing to take on the necessary debt to pay for the pricey private? If not, is he ready to work through more-affordable options yet?

If he's not going to get to go to his dream school, your DH isn't doing him any favors by letting him think there's a chance. If your SS is old enough for college, he's old enough to be coming up with a plan that addresses both his personality and the family finances. [/quote]

Thanks for this perspective.  You're right, it isn't about college.  SS has heard the message loud and clear that starting off life with loans is not good.  So he doesn't want to take out loans.  And I can understand that.  I don't want him to start out life in debt either.  I don't think we can start to work through more affordable options until the elephant in the room is addressed.[/quote]

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