Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another thing to consider from your sister's perspective is that your wedding was planned around all of your niece's events. Your sister specifically ensured that her daughter wouldn't have to miss anything, and then completely forgot about her son. How does she explain that to your nephew in a way that doesn't make painfully obvious the fundamental unfairness there? Your sister is in a tough place, because your wedding is important, but so is her own family, and she needs to make judgment calls there that reflect all of their values, including basic fairness.[/quote]

OP here, yes the above very much occurred to me.  I think, for a variety of reasons (not saying they are good reasons), everyone is used to thinking of and accommodating the older niece's sports conflicts.

The tournament is the first sports happening of the season.  It's a spring sport for them.  I don't think it'd have such a big impact on his high school playing career, as some have presumed, but who knows.  My sister did not say it that way or imply that, just that it was important.  If it did, gosh, what a shame.  I can't imagine a high school coach not understanding a family wedding obligation.  But maybe I'm naive.  I played sports all of my life (and for my college) but that was long ago and things have certainly changed.  A ton.

Thanks for all the thoughts so far (and the nice comments, no matter your opinion).  It helps me to see that she's not the only one with this perspective, even though I'm having a hard time relating (like several of the other posters).

I don't want this to be a wedge, as I'm sure I've made and will make choices that disappoint her, but I sure am surprised and disappointed nonetheless.  Ultimately it's their choice and I'll just make peace with it.  At 40, I've learned that you can't make these things in a family so defining or black and white.

Like others have said, it's kind of a no win at this point.  If she changes her mind, I'll feel horrible about that.  Best would have been to avoid this altogether, which we tried, but things happen, including brain farts.  I hope in expressing my feelings that I don't motivate a change in the choice, because not sure I want that guilt.  Jewish family here.  We don't do well with guilt.  :)

Would people have a different opinion if this was a girl and not a boy?  Or a 10y versus a 14yo?  Just curious.
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