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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had one like this - my middle son.  The only time he was happy was when he was building things, reading about building things, taking things apart, designing stuff.  He did okay in school, aced the tests, but didn't do the homework.  Never enjoyed sports even though we did insist that he play them until the end of junior high.

We were very worried about him.  His physics teacher his junior year in high school made it a requirement that all students in the class do a project for the science fair.  Our son went to the finals of the ISEF and won first place in physics.

He is in a doctoral program now after having graduated with a double major in electrical engineering and physics.  True, he did not go to a first tier school, but he is now in a doctoral program that is being paid for by his top tier graduate school.

We didn't understand him.  That's all.  We kept trying to fit him into a mold that he was not going to fit in.  Once he started winning awards - the ISEF was only the first - we just let him pursue his passion.

I deeply regret that we tried to fit him into a standard role.  I deeply regret forcing him into sports.  I am not sorry that i did not medicate the way the elementary school counselors wanted us to.

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This is my son, too, except he's still in undergrad --  at a big state school for aeronautical engineering.   Never liked (or completed much) basic homework. Was downright BITTER  about taking mandatory foreign language for 4 years.  His room was always borderline disgusting.

However, he was and is happy happy happy.  Really content. He reads as bored and morose though.  Droll.

Re inattentive ADHD. -- so, so easy to get that diagnosis once you take the tween in to a doctor.  It's true that such a condition "flies under the radar" among public school teachers.   I think there's a good reason for that.  [/quote]

OP here.  Thank you all for your thoughtful comments.  I was so glad to those of you who chimed in about NOT medicating, since I just cannot stomach that at this point.  I honestly think that since he spends a majority of his time at school what we need is a smaller classroom setting, in a school where people know him, and he can feel part of something.  If he had a difficult time with the academic work, I would think testing for learning disabilities.  But that doesn't seem to be his issue.  I just want him to be happy, but since he seems SO different from my other kids and SO different from other kids his age we know, I think we just want to make sure we aren't missing something.  We DON'T want him to be like everyone else.  He does want to do some things, they just usually aren't academic or social in nature.  Maybe we just need to help him feel comfortable in the life he's been given.  Thank you to all of you for writing in.  Each and every one of your posts was thoughtfully written and much appreciated.[/quote]

It just sounds to me like your son is an introvert.  I'm an introvert, and I remember that school was a lot of stimulation.  When I would get home, I just wanted to "veg" and do what I wanted and not have people tell me what to do.  Give your son some space.  Let him do what he wants after school.  He is 12, he has all those hormones and growing up to deal with, it's not "ADHD" or anything.  The PP that said that everyone is all organic but quick to medicate hit the nail on the head.  Your son needs to start handling work on his own, start letting him deal with his homework by not checking the work that he is good at doing.  If he gets a bad grade, let him see the natural consequences.  He needs to learn how to handle schoolwork on his own before high school starts.  Also, tell him that if he wants to hang out with a friend or do an activity, etc., to let you know.  Give him more of the "power" with his social life and schoolwork and maybe he will step up and maybe he won't, but he needs to learn that on his own.

And as for the "bending legs while swimming", leave him alone.  I couldn't bend my legs while doing a cartwheel to save my life.[/quote]
How in the world do you know that this kid does not have some form of "ADHD", rickets, mumps, or anything else.There are a lot of thoughtful posts by parents who have BTDT and offered helpful advice as well detailed accounting of their experience. The fact that OP even posted, IN DETAIL, about her son's long term issues is evidence that something needs to be done. No 12 yr old should just be allowed to be unhappy. There is something going on, even if it is just being an introvert struggling to deal with overstimulation in a world geared for the extrovert. OP owes it to her son to talk to a professional, doctor, therapist even if all she gets is some strategies to help her son to cope. Even if she received a prescription, she does not have to give it her kid. You do realize that you do not have to fill a prescription.
Good Luck to OP's son. I struggled with very low grade depression starting around his age. Kids should not be sad and no one tries to help.[/quote]

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