Reply to Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Apparently reading comprehension is an issue. I said I will NOT ask.

I do think that it is weird, though.  And i don't care if it isn't my business.  I am allowed to think it is weird.  I am also allowed start assuming they aren't having kids.  Everyone else assumes they are and wants me to save crap for them and i have been.  Done.  You are all right. It is none of my business so I won't save stuff.

I totally get it and apparently some of you are SUPER bothered by me asking the question.  But, notwithstanding PPs comments, it is an elephant in the room if NO ONE is allowed to ask about it. That is actually exactly what an elephant in the room is.  Something that everyone knows is there but no one will discuss.  They have been together a decade, they have been married over 4, they are apparently healthy, have good jobs.  She is 35! What is next?  Since they said they want kids, isn't that next?  Right????  So the fact that no one asks is because it is an elephant in the room--and it is awkward!!  And the way she snuggles up on the latest baby makes it seem even more appropriate to ask. But no on does.  Elephant is NOT in my head! [/quote]

Again you are assuming having children = fulfilment.

DH and I have been together over 10 years. I'm 39 this year. We both have good jobs. We are settled, healthy, and happy.

There will be no children.

But you know what I tell nosy, rude, cruel, prying people who judge me by the fact that I have not borne children? I give them the someday shit because it gets them off my back and out of my uterus. Because it is easier to say someday vs. getting into the very personal decisions and conditions that revolve around childbearing.

So whatever will they do?

Perhaps they will have children. 
Perhaps they will travel. 
Perhaps they will maintain the status quo.
Perhaps they will sell all their posessions and move to a remote city in Equador. 
Perhaps they will buy motorcycles and travel to Alaska. 
Perhaps they will buy a dog.

But no matter what, it is none of your business judging them by the ruler by which you measure your own life and worth.

And if you were to throw your elephant in my lap, I can guarantee it would not be there long. [/quote]
[b]You know what.  You are the poster child for the sensitive child free person. [/b] I absolutely agree that having kids does not mean fulfillment.  I have never in all the previous postings made any mention of a life without children being unfulfilling.  That is all in your head.

In fact, I was getting old enough that I was considering it is a real possibility and then I had the fertility issues and that reality was even more likely.  I had a very full life before kids.  I think they love their life.  They have a blast and actually, that is one of the reasons I have begun to think they don't plan to have any.  They don't seem to be anxious for kids of their own.  And that is totally ok.  But I still won't ask.
[/quote]

I am sensitive, because I am one of the few who are not child free by choice OR fertility. My spouse doesn't want children, and didn't decide that till later. I've made the decision that I can live with it, but it is NOT one that I embrace with joy, rainbows, and puppies.

And every time so one like you decides that it's your business to get in my child rearing business, it stabs like a knife. But I Will NOT get into my personal affairs wi DHs family, friends who are nosy enough to ask, strangers, bosses, co-workers etc.

There aRe lots of reasons that people don't have kids, and it is endlessly frustrating to come up against people who think that everything follows a natural progression or narrative. Some couples are infertile. Some choose to not have children. Some, like us, are divided. I don't post my life on twitter, or Facebook, or anywhere so I don't advertise the reasons. It's no ones business, and it is terribly hurtful when someone tries to pry into a very sore subject. [/quote]

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