Reply to Divorce - what to look out for?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I have come to the conclusion together that it's time to end the misery and move on.  [b]We are on amazing speaking terms for the moment, best we've had in ages[/b] and deciding who gets the house, custody of the kids etc. conversations have been relatively easy.  Now we're starting the process of doing the business end like transferring titles and the like before we file.

Those of you who have BTDT, what should I look out for? I'm worried that things are going way too smoothly and think I may get blindsided at some point.  I tend to expect the best most of the time and for people to do what they say they are going to (which he doesn't...got to get out of my life) so I want a list of what my worries should be so he doesn't take advantage.[/quote]

And you're divorcing now, because....???[/quote]

It could be they are fine as business partners but not as lovers/co-parents. In today's world, for better or for worse, that's not enough for a marriage. OP can't call on all her friends, or throw all the kids in a playpen while she plays bridge with the other moms, etc.,

Parenting requires more attention than it did even 40 years ago. Hell, in the 18th century, "Another belief was that clean linen and swaddling cloths robbed the babies of nourishing juices.  (William) Cadogan suggested the revolutionary idea of removing excess wrapping and changing the baby at least once a day!"

More is expected socially and attention-wise from spouses than was required even 40 years ago (back then, he'd have to be hitting you, a complete falling-down drunk, etc., to make divorce "more" acceptable.) Now spouses are expected to be business partners, lovers, bestest friends, etc.

With that said, OP has to prepare for her ex to marry another woman. A fairly large # of divorced women go into the process thinking it'll be just the same -- same house, kids most of the time, same school, without that mean nasty evil man ruining all her fun and a free babysitter every other weekend + a few weeks here and there in the summer/breaks so she can run around and be the belle of the ball like she was 23 again. They don't envision their soon to be ex ever being attractive to someone else or possibly being a better husband/father to/with another woman than he was to her. (Of course, some men are such charming losers they'd never be a good husband/father, but that's a whole different story.)

Not gonna happen -- of course, the male problem is expecting a woman to work and bring in money but somehow be able to cover all snow/sick days, etc. -- in some cases, even day care is sniffed at as a luxury with this sort of man (I lived next door to one for a few years.) [/quote]

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