Reply to Help me disengage from family meltdown

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What rights are you talking about? Right to be angry? Yes, op has choice to be angry as much as she wants to, but at the end of the day it is very self destructing and the one who is suffering is OP from her anger. On the other hand, if she can learn to forgive, she can live happy and fulfilling life, and even have a good relations with her parents if she choose to.  There is no obligation to forgive parents, but there is always a choice to do it. Once you truly forgive, you no longer have bitter feeling. So it is a choice to live bitter and be in counseling, or to live happy. [/quote]

As someone who went to years of therapy for this type of stuff my therapists forgiveness was not the goal, but acceptance. Acceptance of who someone is, is more freeing than forgiveness because I promise you, the toxic ones will continue needing forgiveness as long as they are toxic. Accepting them as a toxic person gives you the footing to say to yourself "This is who they are. Am I ok with being around who they are, because they aren't going to change?" Then you base your relationship on that knowledge, not on someone you wish they were instead of who they actually are. If you want to forgive in your heart for past wrong doings, that's fine, but you can't move forward on an assumption someone is going to be different and treat you better just because you forgive them.[/quote]

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