Reply to Found out today Dh has been cheating on me all year

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]BTDT.  No, you can't let them know and you probably can't take time off.  What you need to do is close your door as much as possible and perform well enough to stay under the radar.  Work will be a relief, though right now you probably can't see it.

Most important now is to protect yourself.  If you have joint bank accounts, empty them.  Close all joint credit cards tonight.  Get a lawyer.  And, hard as it is, be as good of a mom as you can be right now.

I'm sorry for you.  [/quote]

This. BTDT too, even the finding out at Christmas when I was surrounded by extended family and having to keep it together for everyone. It was horrific, but I got through it. Don't mention it at work, it's nobody's business and highly unprofessional. There's no way it will reflect positively on you. You do what this PP says, you close the door and function at the whatever minimal level you can. If you really need to take some more time off, you vaguely use your father's health as an excuse. In the meantime, you protect yourself. Tell one or two good friends and get some support behind you.

It was hellish for me for a few weeks. I'd get teary eyed at the office behind closed doors, was barely functional, but muddled through. Started feeling better after I unloaded on a couple of friends, talked to an attorney, and took steps to separate and protect my money. I never told my parents; they don't need to know why my marriage collapsed. Only a handful of my closest friends know how and when it all played out. It was awful for a long time, mind you, but that terrible state of being unmoored, scared, deeply hurt, and barely functional will not last for that long once you start taking action.

It can take a long time to get through this, but you will eventually. You're stronger than you think. Recalibrate your thoughts about him, he doesn't deserve to be agonized over. Nurture yourself. Good luck.

It's a hell of a way to celebrate Christmas. I know all too well.[/quote]

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