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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's a situation like this with one girl at Gymboree. Her grandfather is her caregiver.

I have a few friends whose MIL is the caregiver. [b]I don't see how it's different.[/b] Yes, older people may have different child-rearing ideas, but you can just tell them what you want done and ideally they''ll follow.

There's a huge value in what he does bring to the table -- he's trustworthy and always has his grandchild's best interest in mind. That's a bit harder to be sure of with a nanny.

We have a nanny and it works well, but we'd go for a relative any time.. it's just not an option in our case.

Worst-case, it doesn't work out and he gets a job around here. Plenty of jobs for skilled "manual" labor, espeically with experience.[/quote]

NP here.  The biggest issue isn't that OP's FIL is a man.  It's that essentially he would be a dependent.  He is in financial dire straits with very little prospects.  So this isn't just a question of him being suitable for providing childcare.  It is that moving him out here means that he will be OP's responsibility, even when she no longer needs help with childcare.  He doesn't have a place to live or a means of employment.  It's a high COL area.  And getting into senior housing is a long and difficult process (there was a thread on this).

So FIL will not just be OP's nanny.  He will be OP's responsibility to house, feed and clothe.

And if he turns out to not be suitable as a nanny (for whatever reason), OP will still be responsible for him.  It isn't like a relative who lives nearby.  It isn't like she'll be able to say, "Oh, I'm going to put him in daycare, thanks anyway" and part ways.  He will be completely financially reliant upon her.

It sounds like the bigger issue is not about childcare but that OP's husband basically wants to take his father in, but he's using the childcare thing as a "See, this is good for us, too" kind of thing.

From what OP has written, I think it's a horrible idea.  But I also don't think OP has much of a choice, because I'd bet money that even if OP says no, her husband is going to push to have his father come and stay with them.

And I hate to break it to OP, but a friend recently went through an ordeal trying to get a relative in senior housing.  The waiting lists are more like 2 years.  It's not an easy process.[/quote]

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