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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the logical consequence for hitting is to separate yourself from the child, in a way that is punitive.  By punitive I mean the child goes to their room, rather than say out for ice cream for Dad.  The message needs to be "I don't want to be around someone who is hitting me".  This is about the only thing I'd use confinement to their room for, because it's such a huge deal.

I also think you want to be very clear that whatever your child was seeking to gain from hitting didn't happen.  So, if he's hitting because he wants you to buy him a specific toy, that toy's not an option, ever (not on the Christmas list, not something he can save up for).  I think too often we say to our kids, "Oh no, that's now how we do it, let's make a plan" and then the plan ends up with them getting what they want (e.g. you can earn X by not hitting for a week or something), and basically the kid learns that if they want a plan they just have to hit.  If they're hitting to get out of a shopping expedition, then maybe you go home, but you go back and redo the trip the next day.  Kid is confined to their room in the meantime, and knows the only way to get "out" of that confinement is to behave on the second trip.  [/quote]

I completely agree with this.  It's not an everyday occurrance, but my 5yo can get physical when he is emotional.  I have taken to being extremely honest in response.  He just had an incident on the playground at school with a child who excluded him from a game, and when I talked to him about it, I said "do you want to be friends with someone who hits you?"  Of course he said no.  So I said, "do you think that boy will want to be your friend if you hit him?"  Pause.  "No."  So then we talked about other ways that he can work through the situation.  On the rare occasions he has hit me, he goes straight to his room.  He will usually come out and apologize when he is ready, and when he does I am quick to accept but make sure to tell him that when he hits me it hurts my feelings, so that he understands why what he did was wrong.  He is very sensitive to his feelings and those of others, and as he understands more and more that his actions have emotional consequences for others, the behavior is declining.  [/quote]

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