Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I would think so--but the thing is, if you both work full time, the "default parent" is the delegator.

I keep track of way more than my DH does in terms of household and childcare issues, but he actually carries out about half of it.  I tell him "X, y, and z need to happen when you get home," and he takes sick days for our kid when he can (30-40% of the time?).

His job is more stressful than mine and involves travel, so I'm the continuity in terms of keeping up with things.

It took awhile to get from "You just think you have to control everything" to him actually admitting that what I did was a valuable contribution to the household and actually made his life better and kept the wheels from falling off the bus.  Took a few big arguments to get there, but we did.  (In other words, he was far from "assigning" me the "default" parent role consciously--rather I had to fight to get him to appreciate what his job put me in the position of needing to do.)

If he's going to start off recognizing it (and damn well better be appreciating it), sit down and talk about what it makes sense for him to be in charge of and where you will keep track of things but let him know that Sunday afternoon x and y need to get done.[/quote]

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