Reply to His Family Bringing Up His Ex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Why would I like someone not to exist, when ALL parties involved get along with fine and she is my stepsons mother? I didn't say her name isn't to be mentioned, and I would NEVER EVER even hint to him that or to say that to his parents or family. Ever. I am also 100% not showing this thread to him. I am using the anonymous forum to gain experiences from other people in similar situations. Not to gather an arsenal to present to him and say "see! you all need to stop talking about her!"

I am just wanting to know if it's common courtesy to maybe, while you're clearing dishes, have a minute convo with just him to ask if she's alive and well. Not sitting in the family room with everyone, having a conversation, and then bringing her up so they can all talk about her for 5+ minutes, about everything they're missing about her, while I'm sitting there twiddling my thumbs. I know I DO NOT ask about my sister's ex to her, and they have an awesome relationship (together 15, divorced just 2) and I occasionally talk to him (about arranging kid stuff though, since our kids are super close). There'd be no way in hell I'd ask her about him in front of someone she is dating. Or bring him up in general unless she does. It just seems rude. So, that's why I have the perceptive I do. But I'm thinking maybe I'm just an outlier and over protecting feelings it in that regard.[/quote]

Some people feel it's weirder and more awkward to be talking about the ex "behind your back."

The example you give about your sister is different because her ex is not the parent of a blood relative of yours.  Look, I wouldn't bring it up, the sister does seem kind of weird.  But you really do just need to rip the bandaid off and get used to it.  They are going to talk about her.  Maybe they are trying to make a point to you, that she is the mother of their grandchild/nephew and she will always be welcome and special to them, no matter what the new wife/girlfriend/whatever you are thinks.[/quote]

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