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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement.

I've tried establishing healthy boundaries with my mother in the past. I've accepted that she will not change. Still, I let her get to me. I get angry and flustered and I'm hurting inside. Then I feel like the jackass. I should have been the smarter, stronger one. I don't want my emotions to be controlled by her actions. To the PPs who cut off their mothers, what was your process? How long did it take? How did you overcome any feelings of guilt, fear, remorse, etc?[/quote]

I tried setting and maintaining boundaries for years. I tried confronting her. I tried ignoring her. I tried positive reinforcement for good behavior.

Then I had to have surgery for an ovarian mass and a biopsy. I told her 4 times about the surgery and she was so self-absorbed that she didn't hear it.  When I finally got her to listen and hear it, she told me not to be such a baby.  That was it.  I hung up on her and refused to see her or talk to her again.  It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I snapped. I just couldn't deal with her and cancer, too.[/quote]

+1 My mother did the same thing when I was struggling with a serious medical problem. I gave myself permission to ease her out of my life. I did not want to make a big deal about it in front of the family (...but she's your MOTHER...) just stopped being available. The further away I got from her and the situation, the more I was able to see how out of bounds her behavior was. I come from a big family so there were many times when I had to say "I saw a different side of her" I refused to argue or discuss her behavior with anyone in the family (at least not at length) It is a difficult situation, especially when other sibling have a differ perspective.

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