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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]   OP, I'm sorry to hear that and he is lucky that you care so much about him. That said, only share your opinion of he asks. If you really feel you must warn him, then maybe say "Do you want me to tell you what I think about your future wife?" If he has "no" then don't say it. He's an adult.

My SILs warned DH about me many years ago. They both have narcissistic traits and they liked to control everything. (Not saying this is you OP at all, just sharing a story).  I distanced myself from them once I saw that all they want to do is gossip and create drama. This infuriated them, so they warned DH that I didn't value family, blah blah. It is now 15 years later. DH and I are still happily married and with kids now. His sisters have a few divorces under their belts and they have stopped talking to eachother. Luckily back in the day, DH didn't heed their warnings. Again, this isn't you OP, but just showing an example where the guy was glad he didn't heed the warnings.[/quote]

OP here. It's so easy to twist everything. I have heard her say such things about our family (about "gossip and drama"), and I am afraid that that's how he'll take my sincere concern. It's why I backed off in the early days of their relationship when he pulled away from me. Because I would never want to get in the middle of a couple. But the more I read about NPD, the more I see how the spouse and children are victims of abuse, and it's harder and harder for me to be silent about it all. But I guess what I'm afraid is how it will be perceived and twisted. [/quote]

I am the poster who said my sister-in-laws warned my DH. I think you could ask him "are you happy?" That is more innocuous then giving a warning right off the bat. Maybe he genuinely is. If you must share your thoughts then you can, but just let it go after that. I have seen couples that fight a lot last and both sides are genuinely happy with the relationship because the good times are much more frequent than the fights. I have seen couples who look like perfection together break up due to cheating, etc. Part of why DH ignored his sisters' warnings, was they were prone to drama, he felt it was right, he was happy in the relationship and he wasn't that close with his sisters. They blame me for the fact they aren't close with us, but that was DH's choice, not mine, though we both prefer calm interactions. If you are genuinely close with your brother then he will probably ask you what you think or he won't be offended if you share some concerns. The thing is he is an adult. You can say what you want if it will give you some peace of mind, but if she truly is as horrible as you say, sadly he will eventually understand why you were so concerned. You can't protect him from life's bumps against his will. Hopefully their relationship is healthier than it appears on the outside.[/quote]

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