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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You expect us to have sympathy for you when you have none for your wife?  Seriously?

Damn.  Grow up and get some self awareness and emotional maturity.  If you get a divorce I'm sure it's the best thing that could happen to your wife. [/quote]

Oh FFS she's verbally abusive, lies and cheats, according to OP. I cannot fathom where this vitriol is coming from.
Best of luck to you, OP.[/quote]

The vitriol comes from his self description that his wife lives in a "fantasy land" because she is upset about living far away from friends and family.

That's not a fantasy land, that's a valid complaint and cause for marital strain. It is at least worth some empathy from the OP, NOT  the gas lighting response that he's given.

Counselling only works if you do the work ON YOURSELF. going is not enough. The fact that OP refers to a fantasy land about a valid concern[b] indicates to me he was just punching a card [/b]when going to counselling.

Clearly his mind is made up. He's only coming here to gain supporters so he can solidify to his wife that he is "right". He just needs to move along and stop being a dick. [/quote]

I am the OP.   My wife and I have been through two rounds of counseling.  The first second round was three years ago.  The entire time of the counseling, when she would try to blame me for her decisions, the counselor gently told her she needs to take responsibility for her own actions.  She needs to understand she can only control herself and her actions, not me or my actions.  She walked out of the counseling and said she will not go back.  I have been seeing a therapist separately now b/c I need to: a) learn to cope with and respond to my wife's anger and the inappropriate ways she expresses that anger.

When she lashes out violently or is verbally abusive, she uses the line that she would not behave this way if I "did not make her angry."  This is the classic response of an abuser.  It is there in all the literature.  As to her cheating, she blames me for being "emotionally unavailable to her."  I am sorry dear, but you made the decision to cheat, not me.  And perhaps I would have been more "emotionally available" had you not been consistentl tearing me down every minute of every day.

I also need to make an exit plan and to ensure my kids are looked after both emotionally and physically.  This is very very hard.

I am sorry that my DW has no friends or family nearby.  It is partially of her own making.  [/quote]

I totally buy this.  Yes, you are perfect, an absolute angel, and your wife is an absolute monster.  Thats plausible, and doesnt serve your agenda AT ALL.  May I ask you why you married her then?
[/quote]

Alternate OP her (let's call me OOP)

I chose her because she was willing to leave home to further our relationship, and show solidarity with me, as it would further my career. I gave her a timeline that was totally a farce, but served what I needed to do. I love my job and have lots of dinners, commitments and activities that I must attend to.

So one night while I took my young female assistant to dinner, I found out that my wife went for dinner with the neighbour. Can you imagine? Cheating on me? Just because I had not been home a single evening in weeks, she went for dinner with another man? I was on a work event!! Then, when I got home, my wife berated me for taking the 6th work dinner this week and told me that she had been for dinner with the neighbour. Lying, cheating slut. She had told me she was home with out children!

We've been to counselling twice but all she does it bit h about the fact that we left the west coast with two young children and that I'm never home, I have things to do, you know? Why can't she just run the house like she I supposed to? So what if I take my assistant to dinner,,,,that is work!! She only has 2 kids to watch. She ovule get a job between 9am and 2 if she really wanted to get out of the house, stupid woman, but I don't even seeing her try. All I see her doing is talking to the man down the street who takes his kinds to the park at noon.

So I have to work long hours? All she has to do is watch the house. She just complains so much![/quote]

This sounds like my situation.  Very close.  And let me assure you, when we went to the marriage counselor, she TOTALLY ooh my side and downright berated my DW for her horrid behavior.  Sure, she called me a horrible man, but she told me wife to to her face, "I dont understand how you live with this," clearly implying that DW needs to straighten her life out.  She can recognize me for what I truly am: a sad victim in the evil mission of my wife to ruin my life.  If only my wife could have the same level of self awareness and commitment to our marriage as I do, I KNOW things would work out perfectly.  Sadly, she's a selfish cow who will do no such thing, and seems to think only of herself. I mean, not being plugged into and GRATEFUL for a marriage to[b] me[/b]?! [b]What's wrong with her?[/b][/quote]

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