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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see a lot of denial in this thread. Saw it coming, however.[/quote]

“[b]It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.” - Aeschylus

There have been books written about this phenomenon, even among close, "true" friendships. The adamant denial in this thread makes me wonder if subconsciously some of the posters here have been guilty of this kind of behavior themselves[/b], but won't admit it to themselves (because refusing to be honest when you're anonymous online suggests you wouldn't be honest with your own thoughts).

It's happened to me, it's happened to people in my family, it's happened to DH. Friends can get envious. Friends can get insecure. And we do it too. [b]I know I've certainly been envious of my friends, I just haven't acted on that envy[/b] and sabotaged anyone. Similarly, my friends haven't actively tried to ruin my life out of envy. But do they feel the envy? YES. And yet I know we have real friendships. Friendships where I've been rushed to the ER, friendships which have seen me through heartbreaks and triumphs and milestones. Your friends are real, but if you think that we, as social creatures, don't compare ourselves to each other instinctively then you are definitely in denial. After twenty years of close friendship, you're going to be comparing yourself to your closest social group and measuring yourself against them.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

I was going to quote this too! I have bolded everything that really stood out to me. I only have one "true friend" in the world, a friend who supports and loves me practically unconditionally, who cheers my successes without envy and doesn't judge me. I marvel every day that I have such a great person in my life. I met her at the age of 30 and we have been friends for more than 15 years now. I have never had a friend like her before or since.

But do I have a lot of good friends, a lot of close friends who I love spending time with and can occasionally confide in? Yes! But I can't confide everything in them, because they'll judge me. And because that gap - that true friend gap - exists, I would judge them too. All of this is hidden layers below. We don't go around judging each other 100% of the time, but if too much is confided, that gap will show up.

It's true - when it comes to "true friends", you're lucky if you can count them on one hand. It took me 30 years to learn that lesson![/quote]

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