Reply to Middle school daughter has never been to a class mate's party or sleepover,I'm worried

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, I didn't get invited to parties. I invited the girls in my class to my 10th birthday party, which was over the summer and they all told me they wanted to come to, and they all pretended like they didn't get the invitation.  When I finally got invited to sleepovers, they invited me so they could pick on me.  I thought I was making friends.  They put my bra in the freezer, stuck my hand in a bowl of warm water, and at another party, they picked a fight with me, so I'd have to call my mom and leave in the middle of the night.

When I look back on the situation, I see a host of things I would have wanted my mom to do.  I would have wanted to her teach me how to dress better.  I would have wanted her to teach me how to do my hair.  I would have wanted her to ask me what parts of my body I felt insecure about (my hips and my elbows) and teach me about how they weren't weird and how to wear clothes to flatter them.  I would have wanted her to help me choose glasses that didn't make me look so ridiculous.  She could have taught me how to wear makeup, instead of letting me reapply the same things over and over again that didn't work for me.

The other thing is that kids who wore certain brands stand out.  I have no idea if that's still the case now, but I can only assume that it is.

I started dating a guy in high school who transferred from another school.  He really liked me, but didn't want people to know, so he wouldn't talk to me in school. Apparently, he was very unpopular at his other school, but somehow became very popular at our school.  I had no idea that people would be like that.  That when someone is considered unpopular in school, that people who genuinely like them will shun them just to stay popular.  I watched shows like Glee and Awkward, and it's hard to imagine that kind of stupid shit being real, but then I look back on how people treated me, and I'm shocked that this continues. That parents can't band together and break the cycle.

It took me that decade to try and fail, but I eventually learned on my own how to dress, how to do my hair, how to do my makeup, how to present myself with confidence.  My high school graduation picture was a new, glowing me.

It's not my mom's fault even though I wish she knew what I knew about me, she didn't know how to do those things herself.  And, it takes a lot of experience to know how to give that kind of feedback without tearing someone down.

My advice outside my anecdote is to encourage your daughter to be involved in as many clubs as she can be.  I tried to do so much.  I failed at soccer and cheerleading, but I maintained more than 13 activities per year.  I was happy, even though now I know I probably should have been sad because of situations.  So funny, I don't know how I came out of that tunnel feeling like I grew up happy.

Good luck, OP.[/quote]

And for a different perspective - by the time I was in college I had done a 180 socially...and still dressed like garbage, didn't know how to do makeup, and had bad hair.  Kindess, confidence and time did wonders for me :) [/quote]

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