Reply to Hostile pre-teen: Any reviews on "The Total Transformation Program"?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a mom of two girls, I am finding out that daughters are often a reflection of our own insecurities. Its funny that I would never notice certain things about myself, until I start seeing it in my girls behaviour. And when I question them why would they act that way, I heard couple times a shocking response "You doing it!". Seeking a therapy may be a good idea, but don't think it can fix everything. Start working on your habits too. Also, when my older were a pre-teen, there were some time when I felt she really needed me more than a younger child (I think around 10-11). Thanks to my husband being very supportive a taking care of the younger at that time, we were able to do couple mom-daughter trips just with my older one. It really helped her to open up and improved our relations tremendously. Good luck and be patient![/quote]

^^PP:  besides mother-daughter trips, how else did you strengthen your relationship with your daughter?
I have a 10 year old DD and am trying to build a strong and trustworthy relationship with her before the teen years.

SUggestions from others are welcomed too![/quote]

I am not sure if I can remember everything, but here is some:

Trips -- as mentioned before, we did couple big trips just me and her (I took her to Paris, then in the same year we went to Brussels and Holland, and last year we went to Portugal). We also did several small trips with her (weekend in NYC and saw Broadway show). Kennedy center -- we always go to see ballet or opera together in a winter time. My husband not a big fan of the theatre, and younger was too young to take her with us, so it always was our thing, with café visit prior to the theatre. 
Took a knitting class together and made hats and scarfs for each other. I thought it was very helpful in this days of a very fast pace and constant race between work, school, sports -- to sit down and do something in the slow pace.
Ice scating trips in winter with café afterword. We do go ice scating as a whole family too, but we also did just two of us trips. I think she always enjoyed those much better.  
I started encouraging having a "tea time" together wherever we can. Just to sit down for tea and snack for 20-30 min. She was rejecting it for a long time, but eventually got used to that, and now we are having almost every other day.  
Run 5K Color Run race together -- it was fun! It was five of her girlfriends and only me and one more mom who did it. 
Manicure and pedicure -- we do occasionally go together as a special treatment. 
I started reading teenage books to better understand her. I just felt at some point of time that she is getting more distant from me (somewhere around age of 10, which is probably normal part of the development). I didn't go to school in US, so it was interesting for me what are they reading as part of the school curriculum. And then Hunger Games came out, so I ended up reading it too. It helps to have something to talk about with pre-teen. It became a habit now to discuss books together. She now picks up books that I read (she just read Gone GIrl, which I think was a little bit too early for her to read, but it was on my Kindle and I talked so much about it, that she ended up reading it too).

Generally I think its finding any activity and time to spend together (not as a whole family, but just mom-daughter) what matters. We have a 5 year younger girl, and I think for several years older was pushed away. But around her 10 y.o. birthday I suddenly realized how much more she needs me than younger child. She is 14 now, and going through a lot of changes in her body. I think having close relations with mom at this age is vital.

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