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[quote=Anonymous]OP, being in a relationship with a newly recovering alcoholic is really hard. Often, it's impossible because so much of their former life has to be set aside.

We don't keep alcohol in the house. I would love to have a bottle of wine around for cooking, but I know that it would not last through the night. We don't go to happy hour unless one of our jobs requires it, and even then we don't stay long. It's hard for an alcoholic to be in a bar and it's hard for an alcoholic to be around people who are drinking. When he first got sober, I didn't drink around him. I didn't drink when I knew we were going to be seeing each other. He was triggered and frustrated even by happy tipsy behavior, since that was off limits to him.

The thing is, those were decisions that I made to support him. He told me, "It's okay if you have a glass of wine or a beer at dinner, it's okay if you want to go to Such-and-Such-Bar for lunch, etc." He was always very specific that HIS behavior, HIS relationship with alcohol were the problems. He also recognized that if my behavior was a problem, that was something that I was going to have to decide to act on myself, that pressuring me to jump on his wagon would not necessarily be helpful for me or good for our relationship.

One thing that you absolutely must keep in mind is that when your boyfriend clears the fog of alcoholism, he may seem like a different person. He may not be a person that you like. I agree with the posters who strongly advise against major life decisions in the first year. You can get engaged if you want, but please do not marry him until he's been sober for a year. Please encourage him to work his support network - you mentioned church, they are usually a good resource. I am all for self improvement and moving on to bigger and better things, but there are some red flags here that I think neither of you actually realizes are red flags.[/quote]

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