Reply to Advice - Friends trying to discipline my ASD child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the PP who suggesting showing appreciation for their intent to be helpful even though it wasn't.  I don't understand people's responses to dump these people.  Yeah, they sound like jerks in certain situations but they also sound rooted in the same social group.  We all live with things we don't like in our friends.  OP says she doesn't like confrontation.  It's just being diplomatic to soften the message "don't ever discipline my child again," by seeking understanding, not putting them on the defensive, and explaining why people like to discipline their own children.  Maybe it hasn't occurred to these people.  If OP doesn't say anything, it will happen again with these people.  But if she educates them it might not.  [/quote]

There is a middle course here, which i think most of us are recommending, which is not dumping the friends but just being direct in telling them not to do this. Its an important lifeskill, learning how to tell people what you need and want. Its not necessarily a confrontation. In the best of all worlds, people will appreciate being told rather than have you hold it in. I wouldn't expect that here, but its really not a complicated situation. Perfect parents did X. X is unwelcome. OP communicates this simple fact to perfect parents. Thats it.

I agree that dumping the friends isn't going to happen if they are part of a larger friend group. But giving these people some kind of long explanation sends the message that if the girl didn't have an ASD, if things were just a bit different, what they did would have been fine. But it wouldn't have been fine. I have a child with an ASD. That child is his own person and it is not for me to talk people up about the details of his upbringing. That is none of their business and in this case would just open OP up to more invasiveness -- questioning, second guessing. Then she would have to defend her points. Forget it!

"Please do not discipline my child. If there is a problem come to me, I will take care of it. I don't want you to take care of it." Boom. Notice that this doesn't characterize their intentions or actions in any way, it just convey very directly what should be done.[/quote]

I like the second response - don't advocate touchy feely and not a fan of dumping friends. We all need friends and people close by that we can count on. Also need to protect our kids and stand up for them and ourselves . It's possible to do both.[/quote]

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