Reply to aunt in denial

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "aunt in denial"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]

As the Mom of a young adult with a cognitive disability (age 31), I can agree many of the point made.  Unless you are in her shoes, no one should criticize the Mom of the disabled fellow.  I can tell you that our daughter has nothing compared to an adult who not only has the cognitive limitations to deal with, but also the daily challenges of physical care.  I will list some ideas as quickly as possible for OP:

#1 Your aunt is too old to try to face this situation herself.  Ask her or find out from someone closet to her if she/her son is connected to any agency in her area which deals with adults with a cognitive disability.  She needs to get an INTAKE evaluation done for her son to get a Case Manager.

#2 If her son does have a Case Manager or had one, then Aunt needs to be on Active Case Management status and have a Level of Functioning evaluation of her son done so that he can be placed on what it sounds like he will qualify for the ID Waiver Waiting list - Emergency or Urgent Care list.  And someone needs to get approval to talk to the Case Manager to confirm the details of the urgency of this situation.

#3 Most likely in Maryland because even in the dire land of  Virginia, Aunt should be able to get her son AND herself services through the Elderly and Disabled Consumer Directed Waiver which will provide for companion services for personal care and health needs and respite care.  One can get the EDCD Waiver AND still be on the list for the ID or DD Wiavers.

#4 If Aunt is resisting any idea of contacting the disability services agency in her area, then I would contact the local Department of Social Services for an evaluation of the living situation.  DSS will work to keep the family unit together if it is appropriate, but you may well have two individuals in need of direct care and support.

#5 In the best case scenario, Aunt will have a will, special needs trust for her son, power of attorney, health care directive for herself AND a full guardianship of her son so she can make decisions.  If she lacks any or all or is beyond the capacity to make decisions for herself/her son, then I would suggest a trustworthy elder care lawyer - if she can afford it.  If not then working with local DSS and local disability Case Manager is the way to proceed.

#6 It may help Aunt if son can go out by para-transit to a day activity program or have companion care regularly in the home to give her a break while waiting for other services.   Unfortunately, there are many, many similar situations.  And I can tell you clearly that we have done everything right for our daughter with all the financial and legal planning that we could do and afford, and she is on the emergency ID waiting list do to our ages (not that old) AND there is no way in this lifetime that she will every get an ID Waiver in Virginia........ Maryland does not seem to be so bad - only 3,200 on the waiting list.  There are web sites one can go to in order to get pretty quick stats by states of waiting list for services.  We are recently retired so we have one real answer - move.......tell me another.

[[b]b]Anyway, do not criticize the Mom/Aunt because raising and caring for any child with a disability who will need even general overall support for a lifetime becomes more intensive as parents age out and as there are changes in the Disabled Adult Child who will also age out.  And again, for one with behavioral or physical challenges, it is double times hard.  OP - as a cousin, the best thing you can do is to try to make a connection for your aunt to a Case Manager or if no other recourse then do an Adult Protective Services report.  ****Actually in Virginia under the news rules I have seen put forth by families on the waiting list and other stake holders once the waivers are reevaluated, "The applicant will be age 55 or older" is a new criteria.  Also the level of emergency must rise to the level of an APS or CPS report so you actually might be helping her get to the top of the local area list.  [/b]

We all do the best we can with all of our children AND no one knows when a child or spouse may have to deal with a sudden disability so no one should be so quick to judge.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics