Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How often do you take off work to spend the day with her?

How often do you go on dates without the children? How often do you actually plan the date and daycare?

How often do you go on vacation without the children?

How often does she go away with friends without you or the children?

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X200000000[/quote]

Oh, fuck this. It's standard issue advice for husbands of wives who have unilaterally decided that because they are mothers there is no longer any reasonable expectation that they'll be wives as well. And it doesn't work. It's gaslighting to make him think he's at fault for the poor treatment he's receiving and, even more, kiss her ass. Talk about victim blaming. [/quote]

so you think it is okay for a couple to [b]never[/b] go on a date, never take a day off together, never vacation without children, never go away without the family.

You life must SUCK![/quote]

Where did you get "never" out of any of that exchange? Nice straw man you got there. Be a shame if anything happened to it.

There are a lot of women out there who don't want to have sex with their husbands for a variety of reasons. There is some smallish subset that is just so exhausted or resentful of their slacker husbands that the husband doing more around the house or taking her on a date or facilitating her escape from the family will result in a restored sex life. But the number of times men get this advice for fixing a sexless marriage is out of proportion. (See, e.g., this discussion of "choreplay" where he quotes a survey suggesting something like 15% of women get turned on by their guy doing chores. http://therationalmale.com/2013/01/30/choreplay/).

It's such an easy, low-risk-to-the-woman, suggestion. While it might result in a restored sex life sometimes, it's always very self-serving for the women giving the advice. By contrast, how often do we hear the husband advised to, "get away from the family so she'll have time to miss you and appreciate the things that you do"? That's a workable solution in some cases too. Hell, even - go workout and dress snappier - would be better advice. Because, in some cases, that' also is going to improve their sex life. And, even if it doesn't - at least the dude looks and feels better and, if things do go south, he'll have an easier time landing an affectionate woman.

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